Time

Today is Sunday and sunny. Well maybe if you notice, most of my post recently were posted on Sunday. Yes, because most of my free time are on Sunday. Sunday is not my favorite day at all. I love Friday and hates Monday, lol rite?

Anyway, as you see beside is my old mobile, even i was not remember the model type. I remembered i bought that at year 2003-2004, with all my savings, which i got it from daily subsidize from my mother and Chinese New Year red packages from families.

Since i was in Aussie, i never use that mobile again and change to use LG with 2 years contract, which the mobile also spoiled already and even can not make a call. So, credit to Nokia, which this mobile still very good condition to make a call and texting.

It has been 10 years since i had this mobile. Very long time! but i feels so fast, as i never use this mobile again and just kept it in my cupboard for these past years! I miss this mobile, but of course by using it would be some old-fashion, or useless, because i can not do internet-thing, which nowadays become my daily routines and addicting must-do activity.

Well, i would not talk about this mobile further, because the story just end there. I want to talk about one question. If there is instant wish granted, what do i really want? My answer is simple, TIME. as you can see in this post's title. I want time! This is something that you can not buy no matter how much money do you have in this world. I agree with bunch of money, you can make a new changes on almost everything, buy almost everything that makes you happy, but i believe money can not bring your memories back, can not bring back ages that passed by and un-wrinkle your skin and the important thing, it can not put back everything in the right places as before. I have much more regret that i never realize until i tried and now having the consequences that i really hope i never done it before.

(picture taken from here)

I have something on my left eye, as you can see on the left picture. I did not remember when i was having that, i suspect its around 2001, which is around 12 years ago. The bad thing, it still remain now and maybe until i die. At that time, i never concern of my health, my purpose of life that time was to be good student and entry Science and get the best score, as i did in my high school time. So, it might be better and better if that i really take care of my left eye, so i would not leave any red bruise like that on my left eye. Yes i was upset and really hope time would turn back about 12-13 years ago. Nah, not only 12-13 years back, i really want time was really fly back to when i was 12 years old and starting everything in good place, put everything in the right place, so things would not go messy as now.

I believe, if i was granted by turning back to when i was 11-12 years old and starting everything from there, i would be much better person now. But life is not movie, its not like i close my eyes and the next day i wake up, i could be laying on my bedroom and look at my room sky and preparing self to go to primary 6. While i really hope that really could happen. lol. Life is all about lessons, you try, you fail and you learn a lesson. But the lesson you learnt would not give back your happiness or put everything in place.

My parents were separated when i was 16 years old. But of course, there are a lot of family turbulence before that. After that, i was living with my mother and sent to Aussie to continue study. At that time, all i want is love. love and support from my family, which i think i don't really get it until now. I mean, i know they love me, they take care of me, work hard for the sake of my life, my study. But, sometimes, i want to be loved as the way i want and as the way i need. Honestly, i don't need bunch of money to continue study to Aussie, i don't really expect and want it, i just want to do what i really like and get love and support from my parents and sister/brother. i just want family intimacies like before. I mean i know going overseas will be good, as i hope it really much better if my whole family move to Aussie and we start over again, no matter how hard it is. rite? But yeah.. My mother upset that my father did not want to move or start in Aussie, they have very different point of view. At that time, i am not really get what my mother's plan, but i remembered she once said if only my father would get free everything and start a new life in Aussie, accompany us. Which this had never been done. So, my sister alone move to Aussie and i was following her 3 years later. I know how hard my sister was and so did we; me, my lil brother and my mother. I do love my family. That's why i said it will be better if we get back together. If they do not want to start over again overseas, it will be better if we get close each other in my hometown. I could learn and study at local university, nothing's matter.

Currently i am married. I was married at my young age. Still, i have not find my true love, love as what i really want and need it. I can not tell you much as this is so private to me. I haven't had kids, as i do not want kids become victims of bad marriage life. I disagree to live in unhappiness life just for the sake of children. Honestly, sometimes i think western style is good, which i see many couples divorce when they could not endure it, even tough they have kids already. Or it will be better if we could be life partner, living together, raise child together, without any official legal paper to prove it. Therefore, when we could not endure it, we could be agree to get separated, without any legal issues. But i do understand, i was originally from Indonesia, which country was very and too taboo about this.

Well, there are a lot of things i could not tell one by one. But sometimes it feel good, if i can have and control space-time like Hiro Nakamura, the one who possess space-time manipulation. That's the only power i want to have in this life. I want to control the time, so i could have second chance to change my life that should be in place and be happy as the way i want. I want to be success, free and being loved as the way i need and want.

I know there are peoples out there who had life worst than me. I do understand, i should be thankful for whatever i have at the moment. At least, i still have a job and survive day by day, no matter how i hate my job and unhappy i am.

The truth is i am an imaginator, i always imagine if the world would be peaceful and happy world, where each peoples have perfect physical body and there is no money-world, its only garden of eden world, loving world, where peoples live love each other, help each others, no competition, no jealousy, its only love. Love God, love peoples,love life and love world. wonderful. If only.